The Enneagram and self-compassion takes us a step closer to creating a new narrative.
“We do in fact love or hate our enemies to the same degree that we love or hate ourselves. In the image of the enemy, we will find the mirror in which we may see our own faces most clearly.” Sam Keen, Faces of the enemy.
When we practice self-compassion we learn to be an inner ally we learn to be kind towards ourselves and adjust previously practiced self-hostility. Part of the Enneagram is about accepting yourself the way you are and learning how you can grow and leverage your strengths. This practice has been critical for me in creating the space to begin a practice of self-compassion. When we can be kind to ourselves, it creates a space where we can more gently and genuinely examine our thoughts and beliefs. For me, this looks like continuously coming in contact with my own bias towards disabled people.
I am disabled. For most of my life, this bias has come from my own desire to ‘pass’ as able-bodied. When I could approach this part of myself compassionately I began an inner dialog that allowed me to interact with myself in a new way. Instead of shaming myself for not being able to physically keep up, I was able to softly recognize the strength that I have.
Social change begins when we change our interactions. If we do our own inner work, and we learn to change our dialogs and examine our thoughts and beliefs then we have a map of how to do that with others. When we know ourselves and can compassionately walk with ourselves then we can do it with another. When we can create a space for compassionate interactions, we take a step closer to learning about what it means to be an ally.
Yet, self-development is in many ways a privilege. When a person struggles for survival: safety, food, and rent, it’s nearly impossible to create the space to engage with personal development and self-actualization as described by Maslow’s Hierarchy. For many, including myself, as I traverse the complexities of single parenting, day to day survival often demands every available resource — time, energy, attention. Historically under-resourced Black, Brown and Indigenous communities also must feel this. In addition to the personal challenges we all face, they are confronted daily by racist policies that deny the validity of their existence and curtail their freedoms at every turn. And yet, thriving depends on doing inner work.
How can we create the spaces that allow for personal development, even if they are only brief moments in the spaces between fear, anxiety and the basic struggle to survive that is gripping so many? How can we take something that feels out of reach, and turn it instead into an invitation to reach further? How can we take the privilege of self-development, and use it to create spaciousness for new conversations and new knowledge that take us beyond our comfort zones and towards collective thriving?
I don’t have the answers, but I am living the questions. I believe that with the Enneagram we can find a sense of belonging and a deeper understanding of ourselves. Understanding one’s type creates fertile soil for self-compassion. Knowing my tendencies and habit patterns has gradually given me a sense of personal freedom; a place to put down roots and grow. Without my ability to hold space for myself compassionately, I would not be able to have the difficult and uncomfortable conversations that are necessary for me to address my own biases, and to challenge the racist systems and structures that underpin every aspect of our society, both on a macro level and in the smallness of my own day-to-day life. It is in this space of self-compassion that I have found that the first steps of self-awareness and change have become possible. Together, through the work of shared compassion, Enneagram can be a tool for creating a new narrative not just for personal growth, but a new narrative for a new culture shaped by justice, compassion, and mutual thriving.
